The Sickness

I’ve reached a few conclusions.  First and foremost I’m knocking playing cash on the head, for now.  Playing NL$50 despite my best intentions continues to frustrate and demotivate me.

 

I was attracted to BigSlick by the reward deals though also the representation that the playing population, certainly at these stakes, consisted of a healthy array of marine life.  Though I have not played as extensively as I would have liked through the last month I have played enough table hours to be able to draw some insightful conclusions. 

 

The predominate issue as I see it is the lack of ‘play’ and the nit like persona adopted by most of my opponents.  Things have changed.  Everyone is a grinder nowadays.

The playing base at NL$50 consists of ABC type opponents which many might call fish.  Yet to my mind they are not, these players will given time derive a profit.  Thus they are largely positive expectation opponents.  I am of course acutely aware of the strategies one should employ to overcome this nit style of play and have sought to implement this where possible.  Though I play with one hand tied behind my back.

 

Given the hours I’ve played and the rough approximation that one can expect one big pot per hour I should be many times to the good.  Alas ‘it’s’ presence has continued to be prevalent and as such has continued to thwart my best intentions.

                                                                                                  

You know the drill.  Raising hands not hitting the flop, continuation/delayed continuation bets being called down with effectively rags, drawing hands missing, big pairs being folded too, the full array of weapons deployed against me.  I have struggled to keep my head above water, cumulating the other night with the realisation that I’m just not enjoying playing.

 

I think this has been the primary factor in my departures from discipline this month.  Though infrequent they have been costly. Though my how I have enjoyed my forays.  Where as whilst four tabling NL$50 the other night I felt bored, disinterested and demotivated.  Time therefore for a change.

 

A few developments since my last post.  I’ve been in discussions with a friend that plays who suggested taking a piece of each others action.  I’m still deliberating this, though early indications are that I will run with this.  After all things are different this time around, it’s no longer 2005/6 and I no longer play the larger games and beat them. 

 

In one respect I think I have concentrated to much on the loyalty deals I have in place.  When I crunch the numbers and work out what a big pot actually realises me in terms of rake back the numbers are largely negligible.  Indeed I will be surprised if my loyalty bonus for the month exceeds £10.00, what’s the point!?!

 

So what now.  Further scrutiny of my logs show that SNG’s where always the primary source of income during my last fledging stages.  Though I at one point became perturbed with the variance aspect of SNG’s they were and always have been good to me.  This format is therefore what I now intend to centre my attacks upon.  At least until I’m rolled to play NL$100 where I would hope the play and my streak of khick will have improved.  Though for now SNG’s all the way.

 

Amongst other aspects I have considered is focusing on my HU game.   Currently for the month I’m showing a 50/50 record in respect of HU $30 games, disappointing by my standards and combined with my cash performances perhaps indicative of a larger issue.

 

I have not played at my best.  I have not fulfilled my potential or capability that much is for sure.  My ‘A game’ seems linked to my motivation and the captivation the game has on my sensory range, i.e. does it mentally stimulate me.  If I’m honest it at times seems counter intuitive to make a big decision about a river bet on the end for say 30% of the pot, perhaps $5.00, as I find myself concluding, what the frick if he’s got it he’s $5.00 richer.  I’m struggling to fully focus.

 

So why bother was one of my conclusions, the game on the surface no longer motivates me the way it once did.  Though ultimately I remain confident that my motivation or optimism is still present within me, just untapped, suppressed by the array of beats and general misfortune and reinforced by a nonchalant, indifferent style of play.

 

So let’s seek out that motivation.  I just need to start consistently winning.  Thus SNG’s and lowish stakes to begin with.  Though my bankroll stands at a combined £356.34 I do not despair nor threat.  I’m just following my own advice, finding a game I can beat then beating it.  So SNG’s for now.

 

No hand history’s this time.  Instead a sobering thought provoking gem courtesy of Madonna, ‘Always remember, never forget, all of your life has just been a test.  You will find the gate that’s open, even though your spirits broken’.  Has its roots stemmed in Kabala as I understand it, which if it encapsulates such nuggets of wisdom may well be worthy of further research in the future, though when I have the time of course.

 

As far as I can tell this life is just a test.  We all have our own tests, the rich how they utilise their wealth and treat those less fortunate, the poor how they deal with their misery, desperation and the lengths they are willing to go to in order to survive.  This is of course simplifying things, though none the less when I consider the events and struggles of life it holds a lot of weight to me.  I/we are being tested by God to determine our place in the next life.  I intend to pass my test, though admit to being a little perturbed by the continued need to press me further, I would have liked to have thought I’ve been tested enough.  Though perhaps that’s the point, there is never enough, that is the test.  Hopefully not, though if that is the way it is then so be it, we’ll have to make the best of it.

 

So good luck to you reader.  Be strong and stay optimistic.  Despite some fleeting moments of despondency and negative internal beliefs I maintain my positive outlook and faith.   Yet this is further fuelled or exacerbated by the knowledge that for me Poker is my life out.  It’s a one outer admittedly, tempered by the affliction that is ‘The Sickness’, yet none the less it remains my one viable medium of escaping the rat run and it’s trappings.  I’m not willing to give up on my life goal/out at this moment, despite these setbacks – that to me is the personification of optimism.  The backbounceability, that resilience.  Despite ‘it’s’ best efforts I still stand tall. 

 

Reeeeeespec, Comrade.

I need to reconsider my foolish notions alright. Eventful time since me last entry, though unfortunately not is a good sense.

I was a bit poorly at the beginning of last week, no great shakes, pardon the pun, just man flu. Though exercising good discipline I did not play a hand Monday or Tuesday as my head was fuzzy. Good start to the week in that respect.

Wednesday I fired up a couple of cash games, though only had a very limited 1 hour window to play. Despite recognising that this limited time frame could put pressure on my game I still pushed things too hard, trying to make opportunities where none existed. I also, despite my previous remonstrations found myself playing 3 tables again. I took a $20 ish hit on one of my initial tables (10 mins or so in) thus fired up a third table reasoning that I would depart the loosing table if I dropped to the $20 mark. I did not drop that low and ended up playing all 3 for around a $40.00 loss across all tables. This bummed me out a bit.

Thursday I played 2 $30 + $1.50 HU games winning one, loosing the other. Then I went to the Grovenor with Ricky Friday. We played the £10 freezeout, neither achieving anything of merit. Though I thought I played well, just got unlucky once which put me on the back foot. So we had a few beers then Rosa had to nip off. I cast my eyes over 2 cash games that were playing. They were both eminently beatable. So in my wisdom off to the cash point I go.

I sit down at my game with £100.00. I left with about £17.00. I played for about 3 hours in total, generally a tight approach due to the maniac induced raising, particularly the guy to my left or ‘super bettor’ as I went on to tag him, fortunately I picked up a tell on him which negated his position some what. I was up a little despite paying £9.00 in table charges for the 3 hours. Then boom, I pick up bullets UTG. The blinds are £1/£1 so I raise to £6.00. 4 Callers, flop comes 228. I’m liking this. I check out and am pleased to see a shorty move in on the £30ish pot. Though not so pleased to see my opponent from the BB call.

I go in to the tank. The shorty is a bluffer, I’m very likely good here. The big blind, I can’t put him on a 2, though value existed what kind of hand could he have that would merit calling with a 2? Thus I eventually conclude overpair and push in, having him covered. The initial guy had 42 off and the big blind Q2 off. That was that then.

No poker Saturday and then some MTT’s Sunday, I played some big games and made a little money, though nothing of merit. I’m then away with work for the early part of this week. So played 2 HU $30 games tonight, lost them both. First one I raise with JJ, he calls, flop comes rags all clubs. I continuation bet believing I’m still very likely in front. He calls, boom turn comes a J giving me top trips, I bet again, he raises I push in and yep he’s flopped the flush with no boat to rescue me on the river.

The second one I just played a read and was largely right though clearly not enough as the muppet could not lay his hand down despite my well delivered show of strength. Frustrating stuff.

So Mr Discipline, Mr Ground rules, you are a numpty. What the frick was I thinking playing a cash game for 20% of my roll, I wasn’t thinking. One of my problems remains the fact that I’m crazy at times. I see a game, I evaluate honestly my chances and if I think I’m good I want in. Well you drip you can not play those games despite your value, your are or mores the case were playing off a £500 roll.

You’ve played well over your roll whilst half pissed. You’ve expended far too much energy and time considering sports bets, or one bet in particular that is. You want too much too fast and it’s turned around and fricked you. So shape up.

Accept the reality of the situation Comrade. Current roll = £406.46 (ish), shot pot = £futt all.

Back to basics my friend. It will probably take you a good few weeks to grind back to your starting roll, though forget that for now. You are where you are.

My Mrs, man I love her, told me I should put the Grovenor loss down to entertainment and that I should top my roll back up. This was mightily tempting but ultimately I concluded that it was my mistake and no-one else is paying for it. I was also feeling horrific about it Saturday and realised that the only way to purge myself of the pain was to accept it and move on. If I topped up my roll from family money I would probably still be feeling regretful now.

So that’s about it for now. I’m half feeling like I don’t know why I bother with this game. It can be so hard to win or more over so easy to lose. The other half remains full of optimism as despite the losses/major loss I know how good I am or can be. One other observation that I took some solace from, at least I have the gamble. I am a risk taker and I will go for it. To be truly successful and to achieve what I aspire towards I have no doubt I will need this quality in the future.

For now though it is NL$50 for me. Unless I look to other mediums i.e. MTT’s or SNG’s, though BigSlick’s SNG’s are from what I have established poor and well I’m rolled to play £8.00 MTT’s as it stands. A grinder’s life for me for now.

Other things I’ve been distracted by recently, just finished an awesome BJ book. I still love that game despite not playing it seriously for many years. I just love the purity; the way it can be overcome with math’s and practice. Poker’s much the same though and instead of allowing myself to be distracted I now need to refocus.

Accept where you are Comrade. Make this happen. Keep the faith and your optimism. You will prevail.

Oh and final, final thought - The whole episode has been fun. Even the embarrassment of coming clean to Rosa the next day about spunking off a 5th of my role.

No more fun now though, back to business. Though I can not guarantee I won’t take a shot again at some point in the future. It’s just in my blood, my Sickness. Just won’t be for a while and next time will be more thought out. Discipline remains the key.

Reeeeeespec all, C.

So a little while since my last post, I’ve been busy playing. I thought I should get a post on, though ultimately recognised that playing is first and foremost hence the delay. So just over a week to recap; longish post therefore again. As my roll develops I will probably move to updating every night or every two nights, though at this fledgling stage once a week suffices.

I was presented this week with clear and irrefutable evidence that ‘it’ had found me. I will never fully understand this plague or ‘it’s’ mediums and capabilities of deduction. I moved to a new site with 20 odd thousand players and still it hunts me down, in record time. I can merely hope to fight, run and stay undetected for as long as possible.

Though my understanding has increased I still lack an ability to combat ‘it’. ‘It’ and ‘it’s powers border on the supernatural. Still from what I have established ‘it’ lives within the various networks and my writing here should be safe, I hope so.

Well an interesting week all in all, poker wise that is, otherwise very much run of the mill. I managed to, just about, suck up and man out the depression that engulfed me following my return to work

I’m not one for bad beats of which there have been several, though I do have one worthy of a brief mention (as I want feedback on how I played the hand) and also an interesting observation, more of that to follow.

Firstly, I found my logs! My books remain lost, my total acquired literary knowledge adrift somewhere in my mother in laws attic, as far as I can tell yet not find. Both Super Systems, The theory of poker, The book of bluffs, Caro’s book of tells, all of Harrington’s works (not that I think they are up to much) and even works as diverse as Amarillo Slim’s effort, gone, batched up in a box and displaced, sigh. Still I have my logs.

Reading them brought a stupid, kid like smile to my face. I was so naive, back in the day. It is all there, stemming back to Oct 04 when I started playing, I was naive but man was I brave. A little over a month in I played a $100 SNG (which I then called a table of 10!) and won, beginners luck perhaps either that or natural talent.

What I did read though that perplexed me is that the hand that cost me by biggest ever bad beated score, A6 offsuit, was also the hand that but futted me in one of my earlier conquests. Check this out, word for word from my summary for Feb 05, ‘Good start, couple hundred ($) up by 03/02 from table of 10’s (!). Fri 04/02 my greatest performance to date, £10 + £1; £6k gtd multi, finished second of 600, even had the presence of mind to record my bad beat (!) in too second spot, my A6 beaten by 98 all in preflop, still I won £840.00’.

The other beat, which is a story for another day, was a tad bit worse than a 70/30 shot, yet the co-incidence suggests I now have a bogey hand!

I will spend time reviewing my logs as though hand written they are comprehensive, more so as time progressed. Back to the present day. I broke 2 of my main fundamentals last week which has not helped, in addition ended up 3 tabling at one point despite my observation in my last entry that 2 tabling is optimum for me, sigh.

Monday 07/04 ‘it’ found me, your thoughts (assuming anyone is actually reading) are appreciated. I’m on SB with Kd X and complete, mid position limper and BB checks. Board comes A diamond x diamond, x, I check, both also check. Turn brings 3d, I bet pot this time with my nut flush draw, both call, river brings the 4d completing my flush. I bet $4 in to the $6 pot. The BB who is a shorty just calls, the limper reraises to $13.

Now I think the shorty is perhaps committed and put the mid position limper on the Q diamonds. I therefore weigh it up and push all in trying to extract max value. Shorty actually folds, can’t blame him for that, yet limper calls… 25 of diamonds he tables for the runner, runner straight flush. Futt it, I’m stacked.

Now I like my play on the turn driving my draw, on the river I’m pleased the shorty calls and when the limper raises to $13 I actually consider that 25d is the only hand that beats me. I can’t put the shorty on that even though he’s on the BB which makes it a possibility as surely he would have raised my initial river bet. I can’t put the limper on it as, though I have limited info on him, I can’t believe he has limped from mid position with a 25 diamond holding. Thus putting him on the Qd, a bluff raise or stuck and foolish with a biggish hand like top trips etc.

Should I have just called his $13 raise here? I figured at the time that by pushing all in he would fold his bluff, though any reraise would likely achieve this, thus pushed as if he had the Qd or was stupid enough to reraise with top trips then he may well find himself committed. Can you honestly play the game assuming the worst at every junction, i.e. he must have 25d? Thought’s please?

I then left my other game which I was marginally down in. I could not believe the 25d, how the frick did he play it, though I have played such holdings myself when stealing or rushing just limping of the cuff from mid position?

So I logged off, to try and shake it off. I thought about not playing anymore that night but then decided on a change of strategy, so entered a HU SNG for $30 + $1.50, I won having just worked the guy out and ground him down. Though I did make an uncharacteristic move when I had him down to 800 chips. He bet out in to a pot, though given the complexity of the flop and pot size I suspected he would have pushed if he had a hand of merit, I thus pushed him all in with nothing, he folded leaving himself 500 chips, and I showed my bluff to get him to come at me.

He did, and doubled through, oh dear. He then bluffed me off a pot at one stage and showed me his bluff. At this stage though I knew I had him, his ego was in charge of his thoughts.

So I played another, this one lasted 4 hands. The first 3 my opponent was sat out for. The last hand I pick up 1010 on the BB, he raises to 100, I re pop him to 350, the fecker moves all in. Food for thought, but I called he had 22. 4 hands/$30 – happy days.

So I played another and this guy was one tough mother. Very competitive match he had all the moves and the courage to pull it off. I established it would take something special to take him, either that or a race. A race it was in the end, which I come out on top of. With 3 from 3 I called it a night, in profit despite ‘it’s’ best efforts on the cash tables. The secret here was my switch from cash to HU SNG’s, effectively loosing ‘it’.

Tue’s Rosa calls me just as I’m finishing work to tell me about a good deal BurnleyMik at Raisetheriver.com has lined up though Virgin. Basically a 27 euro wsop satellite where Virgin would automatically bump up the top placed RtR finisher to the main event. Despite it being well over my roll constraints I just can’t turn that value down – we are poker players are we not (fundamental ground rule failure no. 1). So I’m in along with Rosa, Kenn, Amatay and G3boy. If you don’t know these players they are good guys, very good at what they do. Kenn in particular is a killer mtt player.

Anyway I pull through to qualify for the seat. But check this. 11 left I’m 5 handed and chip leader. I pick up KK on the button and boost the blinds, hoping for a caller suspecting I’m stealing. BB calls with AK and flops an Ace crippling me to 3ish k. Very next hand I pick up AJ and thus boost my tiny stack, the same dude again has picked up AK and this time flops his King. Despite changing networks ‘it’ had found me again.

So I play the E250 + E25 WSOP satellite Wed’s night. 31 entrants and one seat to the big one. Given I had dreamt but not even planned to attempt to qualify this year I found myself with a 1 in 31 chance of going. Alas not to be, I bumbed out though fighting and did not just go meekly in to the night. If nothing else I was impressed with my ability to step up and play a larger game (£220 buy in after conversion) with out being phased by it’s magnitude, I played without fear.

Thursday was a pretty heinous day, extremely stressful. Yet I thought by about 9:30 that I had unwound and decided to play (fundamental ground rule failure no. 2). Also found myself 3 tabling, telling myself that I would look for some traction on 2 of the tables and leave the least performing one, course you will Comrade. Total loss about $45 across 4 tables I eventually played.

Though I left one game as it was full of nits and lacked profit potential I joined another. In the numerous hours I had played I had been coolered several times though had not once managed to get a big hand versus second best, ‘it’s’ influence for sure.

Friday I took a day off, had a drink and just chilled. Of all my ground rules drinking and playing has been my best success. Going back a little bit I would have a drink most nights, more from boredom and a stress management tool than anything else. Though the more I have played the more and more I have not wanted to touch a drop, drinking is now completely second to playing and I would choose playing every single time, got to be good.

I planned Friday to put some hours in over the course of the weekend. So Saturday I got an early evening slot pass from the Mrs and went to work. At this point I was in total £50.00 down overall from my start point. About £22.00 went on the wsop games detailed and the rest donked off via cash, coolers incorporated.

I played for about 4 hours in total Saturday, two tabling throughout. I finished up on all four tables I played for a combined profit of around $110.00. Nullifying my initial roll deficit which was pleasing. Saturday Rosa also made me aware of a stars promo whereby UK based players depositing for the first time gained entry in to a free $22.00 sat to the Sunday Million, 5 seats added in addition, awesome value. So I made a small deposit to qualify.

Sunday I awoke and had immense confidence I was going to win the million. Clearly very optimistic thinking, yet faith is something I’m not short of. So I played the satellite at 16:30 hours full of confidence. Unfortunately twas not to be, I ended up going out when my pair lost to overcards aipf when my opponent connected a flush on the turn. Initially slightly disappointed as this was not how I’d envisioned things panning out, I retiring to my lounge to watch the rest of the Man U v Arsenal game and consoled myself.

Spud has been ill all over the weekend which has led to increased sleep dep. I manage to squeeze a 20 min power nap in though and armed with my lucozade fired up a couple of cash tables in the evening. I finished marginally up, around $20 for the evening which was again pleasing if not slow progress.

I need to continue to manage my expectations in respect of the progress I made/make. Let’s put the week in to perspective, I played 3 tournaments, including a £220 buy in event. I overturned a £50 loss and managed to finish in profit, happy days as far as I’m concerned. I need to ensure that my ambitions and desires to not outstrip my capabilities at this stage, patience and discipline Comrade. Everything I need I have, everything I want will come to me when I am ready to receive it.

Further sleep misery last night with about 5 hours at best and then back to work. So being the, at times, sensible guy I am took tonight off. All going well back to it tomorrow.

If you got this far you’ve well done and thanks – though these posts are long they are capturing a week at a time. To be honest I omitted a lot of that I thought about including. Having read my logs I realise that in some point in the future reading this may well prove to be beneficial to me and not to put to finer a point on it that’s what this blog is all about, me.

Facts and figures: Total bankroll £523.32 (give or take a bit cause of conversions), Shot pot (contained within that amount $13.93).

So that’s it for now, just got to keep on moving. ‘I’m shielded by armour’, my faith remains undiminished and unblemished, despite ‘it’s’ best efforts. ‘It’ will not break me.

Reeeeeespec, Comrade.

So holiday came and went and a very good time was had by all.  I took a laptop with me, tried connecting/piggybacking on to some wifi though without luck, I was therefore without the net.  Though in my folly whilst trying to get a connection and as a further demonstrable indictment of my technophobish ways I managed to disconnect my Belkin wireless card; it didn’t seem to want to work full stop, oh joy.  All I did was right click on the connectivity icon and select disable, I had to get my Mrs to have a butchers!  I’ve also just about recovered from the dodgy guts brought on by the amount of beer/cider consumed, other wise I’m good.

 

The sun did indeed shine, given the forecast was for rain this was particularly pleasing.  Quite an active holiday, I finished most days exhausted though slept soundly and thus feel revitalised and ready for combat. 

 

So let’s recap.  I’m playing an I-poker skin called Big Slick (BS), with good bonus and exceptional loyalty terms.  As a point of reference and a correction I may have previously referred to this as a rake back deal, this is not the case it is simply a loyalty deal.  I’ve opted to play cash, predominately, as this will allow the greatest returns on the deals I have in place. 

 

I also concluded that I will be starting with a bankroll of £500, I had some second thoughts about this whilst on hol’s thinking it might be better to start with £1k after all.  Just to speed things along really and to work through the bonus faster.  Though I could lay my hands on a grand and tie this up it’s really not ideal.  If I were to lose £1k it would be a hit, where as loosing £500 would not be good but I could live with it, given if I offset this against my career earnings I’m still many times to the good.

 

I’ve rejigged my spreadsheet and think its fit for purpose and will of course, in addition, utilise this blog to capture my progress.  The spreadsheet will be more for hard facts/data, i.e. length of sessions, no.’s of tables played, profit/loss and BS points earned etc.  This blog’s purpose is more to record and reflect my thoughts and state of mind, what I did well and what I could have done better.

 

I’ve also set myself some ground rules.  In particular to always exercise bank roll management, never taking any more than 5% of my roll in to any given game at any one time.  One important caveat here though, I will be allocating 10% of any profit I make and effectively segregating this from my main roll, a roll within a roll if you will.  This ‘shot pot’ will be set aside to allow me to, as the name would imply, take shots at any game/discipline I see fit.  For example, if I take $100 profit from a nights work, $90 will be applied to my main bankroll and $10 to my ‘shot pot’.

 

I thought that maybe I should wait until a longer time frame has elapsed before setting aside funds for the purpose of chancing my arm, perhaps a week or more specifically a month.  This has merits, especially considering I might over the course of a couple of weeks win enough to set aside say $50 in to my ‘shot pot’ though then experience a downturn that effectively leaves me stuck for the month.  In this particular example I would like to think that, seeing as the ‘shot pot’ is to be used at my discretion, I would choose to use this to top my roll up.

 

I had forgotten how demanding playing cash can be.  Where as I typically view tournaments as largely enjoyable, assuming I’m not under ‘it’s’ hold, cash is the roller coaster of madness.  It was also a little difficult getting to grips with the new software, though predominately my absence from playing hardcore hours on a cash table for around 6 months proved more difficult to beat than I had initially anticipated.

 

But enjoy it I have.  I found myself actually smiling at the typical conundrums we all face, you have over pair to the board, opponent starts getting really leary – what do you do.  You have TPTK on flop, opponent plays back at you hard – what do you do.  Good stuff, mentally stimulating and engaging.

 

I also found myself some what perplexed by the standard of play at NL$50, significantly different to the higher stakes I previously played.  A period of transition and adjustment was therefore perhaps inevitable, which I had not fully thought through.  I found myself limiting the weapons at my disposal due to this, trying effectively to play ABC poker which negated the need to reraise preflop and also check raise post flop.  Though I like to think I’ve moved past this now and of course giving due consideration to the make up of the table I employ these and other weapons most consistently.

 

I thought ‘it’ might have had me locked on at one point.  Some pretty crappy beats, not to bore you or myself flopping the broadway straight on a rainbow flop to have this smashed on the river as I stood posed to get the rest of his stack, having put him on trips which actually transpired to me top two pair.  When the full boat completed I checked to him having smelled the rat though felt almost compelled to call their pretty obvious value bet, due to the perceived standard of opponent – stereotyping the player due to limited info, when in fact I know I’m capable of getting away from a hand like that.

 

Other indications that ‘it’ was on to me included my flopped top set being smashed by a runner runner straight upon the river.  Also connecting my trips on the flop when opponent flops the nut flush… yada yada yada.  Though overall I remain confident that this is just variance, I’m hopeful I’m still under the radar.

 

So how am I doing overall?  Well a little down.  Starting bankroll £500.00, the below is a brief summary.  As a key, black bold in the result field equals profit, red equals a loss.  I had £2.51 credited to my account when I hit the 500 BS point stage.  So effectively almost £7.00 down at this junction. 

 

 

Not the best of starts given I had of course hoped to get off to a flyer.  Though considering my rustiness need to adapt to the standard of play and beats not that bad as far as I’m concerned. My loyalty bonus should hopefully negate this minor loss and thus I’m about square overall.

 

I’ve not played today as had a drink whilst watching the mighty Bluebirds make it to the FA cup final as this would be a breach of my second ground rule.  I will not play if I have had a drink.  As a guideline I’m kind of using the driving limit as a cut off, if I can drive then I can play.  If not no play, it’s your choice Comrade.

 

Other ground rules include refraining from playing if overly stressed, i.e. tough day at work etc.  I also considered including not playing if I am overly tired, though given I’m pretty much always tired this seemed pretty much counter productive.  I think I’ve mentioned the ability to function based upon 5 hours sleep previously, so this is not such an issue to me.

 

So let’s consider state of mind.  How do I honestly feel?  Confident and assured.  I’m not saying I’m the complete package, though it was so refreshing to start engaging the though processes again.  I had forgotten how much I had forgotten, conventional wisdom such as a bet saved is a bet earned though also less conventional, courtesy of my boxing trainer of old, ‘be first’ he meant with the punch, though I interpret this differently now.

 

Other mile stones in the journey to stop the rot, two table maximum, I played more to drum up BS points in view of the deals though overall the bottom line is the most important aspect of my play and I know from that I established in my previous life that two tabling is optimum for me.  Also shy away from turbo games.  A couple of times I found myself pondering whether to call in a difficult spot, sometimes about reaching the decision to go for it call/raise when my hand was folded.  Almost always in marginal situations so perhaps no major shakes, yet still potentially missed profit opportunity.

 

I should also consider other avenues to profit and not just cash in order to move forwards.  For example I rate my heads up game, SNG format, as pretty darn good.  I would go so far as to say that I would play anyone heads up in this format, assuming I am playing within my roll and thus not scared money.  After all my opponent has the same options as me, fold/check/call/raise/reraise, how then can he beat me? 

 

Of course I can be beaten in any one game in isolation, though given HU minimises variance over a series of games I fancy my chances against anyone.  Indeed one of my poker ambitions is to play the Devilfish HU, why the fish and not some other high standing pro, I think as I read his autobiography.  Given you or they are facing me 1 on 1 then I will hack your game, I will dial you in.  If I establish you are of the same standard as me or even a superior opponent then well there is always game theory, the equaliser.  Does that sound arrogant?  Perhaps, though I do recognise there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance, I like to think I tow the line well.

 

There is nothing like, in my opinion, a hero call to end on a good footing.  So welcome to my first buddy, I linked him up as a buddy to hopefully play with him again.  He was the mother of all over bettors, laughably so.  I had just finished putting some notes on him concluding with the words ‘be brave’ when I ended up calling his preflop raise when on the BB with A7o.  I flop an Ace and he promptly moves all in, having me covered, into a $6 pot.  Turbo table so not too much time to weigh it up put I call, he has air and short of runner runner favourable cards he’s mine, and so it was.

 

So hopefully back to it tomorrow, with the lessons of previous sessions digested and implemented.  Though I’m down now, I fancy my chances by the end of the month of deriving profit.  No targets you understand, my Mrs again chipped in with some invaluable advice…  This time it’s a hobby for me, I don’t need to make money, it’s not a job.  So I’m down £7.00 for my hobby to date, golf would be more expensive.

 

I just need to stay under ‘it’s radar now…  Keep moving, ducking and diving and don’t let ‘it’ get a fix, then I should be good.   Well you’ve ‘gotta have faith’ after all, I do.

 

Reeeeespec, Comrade.

 

More techno probs the last couple of days though fortunately all now appeared to be resolved.  As per my last post I’ve been pondering where to place my money and how best to utilise the funds available to me.  Raisetheriver.com come to the rescue when details emerged of a great deal on the I-Poker network via a skin called Big Slick, check it out – you’ll be grateful you did.

So I’m deadset on BS, they offer a $500 welcome bonus which I will be taking advantage of.  Though the terms don’t seem to be the best the rakeback more than compensates, a terrific all round deal.  I’ve also determined that I shall focus on cash, to maximise the rakeback potential and work towards the bonus.  In addition the BS points you accrue can be used to enter online/live game which is yet another additional advantage.  I’m just waiting for my account to be upgraded before I press on full steam ahead.

So my lappy/internet appeared to be functioning fine that is until I attempted to open links, it would bomb my browsers effectively freezing them out.  Very frustrating stuff, especially when your trying to research your new poker home.  Further compounded by the fact that I’ve lent someone my all singing/all dancing desktop as a favour, in the spirit of fairness I would need to give them a decent amount of notice before repealing the loan.

However, all is not lost as I managed to borrow a new lappy myself and bought a new usb wireless connection for the princely sum of £20 from Comets.  Then I let my Mrs get to work… How she didn’t end up working in IT is beyond me.  I’ve a friendly nickname for her when it comes to matters of this nature, ‘Spock’, (and no she doesn’t have big lug holes or bang on about logic etc) what she can’t fix IT related is not worth knowing, well relative to my technophobeish ways anyway.  By the time a gave my nipper a bath and put her to bed she had both laptops up and running, both connected to my wireless hub, ding dong. I’ve gone from no internet access to being spoiled for choice within a matter of days, things are progressing.

I’m conscious this is supposed to be a poker blog yet to date has been lacking in poker substance, so let’s talk pokes.  Given I was without net access and that my local Grovenor is not to far away so I went with Ricky to play a NLHE tournie, the cheapest game of the week, well the cheapest freezeout that is.  I’ve played a donky rebuy there before but it was beyond belief with people pushing all in blind time and time again in an attempt to chip up, no fun as far as I’m concerned.

Anyway buy in was £10 with the extortionate rake of £3.50, obviously not normally a viable game but it was a night out and a chance to keep my hand in so no great shakes as far as I was concerned.  Not a bad structure though with 61 entrants and a starting stack of 2k and initial blinds of 25/50 with 25 minute blind levels.

Things started slowly, every time I peered down at my cards I was greeted initially with a 10 followed by either 3, 6 or a deuce, fold city. I picked up hole deuces once and joined a limpfest with the BB at 100 in an attempt to hit, alas to no avail.  That’s pretty much how things panned out until the blinds moved to 100/200, my stack at this point had been eroded to around 1500 and I found myself UTG with the prospect of looking to attack in position in push and pray mode, assuming I relinquished my blinds.

Though UTG I pick up 33 and reason a push from this position should hopefully be indicative of strength especially given my enforced rock like image.  The player to my left pushes all in for about 3.5k and I know that I’m screwed, but despite this I maintained my my poker face.  It quickly folds around to an annoying woman in mid position, I say annoying and I’m not joking.  The same woman doubled up relatively early on when she and her prettier, less annoying female counterpart both hit a flop of AAX hard, ‘annoying’ taking it down on the end with A8 vs prettier’s A3.

Now you would think she would be a little chuffed with an early double through but chuff me she proceeded to bang on about it to anyone who cared for the next 30 minutes.  It really was quite laughable, the bloke to my right and I had a bit of a chuckle about it, he made an interesting observation when he pondered what her reaction would be if she hit quads! Speaking of which…

So ‘annoying’ eventually folds and after the event advised she layed down AK, a sound move as it proved. My sole opponent therefore flipped the inevitable over pair, AA, and I knew I needed to hit very hard and so I did… First card dealt being a 3, second card 3 – ding dong, ding dong! So I double through, albeit very fortunately and crack on from there.  A couple of hands later I pick up QQ and play it well to stack the BB’s 1010, now I’m chip leader at the table.

To cut a long story short, given this entry is already running away from me, Ricky finished 14 after being rivered by a 22/1 shot when ‘it’ took hold of im.  I final tabled and finished 6.  Though not without incident.  Perhaps unbelievably annoying had also made the final table and I had the mixed fortunes of having her sat to my left.  Unfortunate as she was now targeting me as her man point of reference for reliving every move she had made throughout the course of the game.  Fortunate as she was very tight and openly stating to anyone who cared to listen that she was just happy to have final tabled and would be pleased with any money finish.  She tried to negotiate a deal at the outset which I declined, simply because the prizepool was just not big enough.

Anyway final table, I pick up 99 first hand and run in to QQ, my biggish stack is reduced to a smallish one.  Next hand 1010 and take down the 1000/2000 blinds.  Though the pressure is now on thus I implement a few steals here and there, we bubble and then hit the money.  I’m super aggro at this point though manage to get away from a hand with ‘annoying’ when I had an open ended straight draw on the turn and was very close to semi bluffing/pushing with it though had the presence of mind to withdraw with enough of a stack to retain equity, in effect consolidating my position. ‘Annoying’ showed the made straight, a bullet dodged.

Next hand I pass.  Following hand I’m in the cutoff, ‘annoying’ to my left and a tightish player in the SB.  The BB was populated by a Chinese gent who up to that point had not played a hand.  I therefore determined from the outset that I was pushing with my 9k stack regardless of holding, yet I took a peek to satisfy the observant that I was at least looking at my cards, confronted by Q7 off I pushed.  As predicated ‘Annoying’ folds as does the SB, my Chinese friend however looks me up with A9 suit and that was that.  Though I cashed which was somewhat pleasing, given my inactivity at the tables, virtual or live.
As I’m grabbing my coat ‘annoying’ asks me several time, how could you do that, how could you push all in with nothing? I mumbled something about being on tilt though throughout could not help but think, what is she talking about, how could I do anything else.  Though being the nice guy I am of course I didn’t say as much.

So that’s your/my poker content for the week, I now have a brief holiday to hopefully enjoy. Long time coming and necessary as part of my healing process, I honestly feel that I have almost completed the journey, I’m almost well.  By the time I’m back I’m hopeful my account will have been upgraded and my future posts will be much more poker orientated.

Two final points though. I will be starting with a roll of £500.00, my Mrs was happy for me to run with a grand if I wanted - probably more if I implemented my powers of persuasion, though as detailed last time I started initially with next to nothing, I will be a lot better placed this time around.  I am confident in my abilities and also comfortable with the prospect of loosing this amount of money.  I have a good deal lined up and thus NL50 it is for me for now.  I have moved away from the thinking that I should ‘by rights’ play higher given my previous success.  The game has evolved; competition is stiffer.  I should be able to adapt my game to beat the opponents at any level, which leads me nicely on to my second post directed primarily at Ricky.

My man, you spoke to me the other day about feeling that you had been outplayed.  Let me once again reassure you that this is the case for everyone from time to time.  No matter what you do your opponent has you hacked, he has you dialled in.  My best advise for situations of this nature is to simply leave the game, remember dispense with ego.  If in a tournie situation and this is not possible then my friend adapt and be flexible, ‘active adaptability’ is my current buzz phrase.

As Larry W. Phillips stated in Zen and the art if poker ‘Correctly played, therefore, poker is really a process of two steps forward and one step back.  The one step back part will always seem like a defeat, will always feel like a defeat, but it is not a defeat - simply part of the process.’  Accept defeat when it is sent you way brother, include failure in the system.

All the best to anyone that has pressed on to this point.  May the sun shine down upon you.

Reeeeeeespec, Comrade.

Hi, welcome to the start.

By way of introduction I played successfully for about 3.5 years before external forces conspired to eradicate my roll and thus render me busto. I’m about ready to start a new journey, having secured a start up roll. This blog is really the evolution of the record keeping I used to manually keep. I’m hopeful that by opening my play to critique from a wider population I can develop my game further and consequently derive greater returns for my effort. If I pick up a few readers during the journey then happy days, I hope they enjoy the trip.

In the beginning I started with literally nothing. A bonus whoring blackjack player I successfully generated an income of around £500 a month for a few hour work a night grinding basic strategy. Consequently I soon became an expert, reading all the accepted works on the subject and becoming adept at basic card counting. Though alas nothing lasts for ever and the bubble burst. The casino’s were being so badly hit by the torrent of abusing players that they slammed the door shut, some taking longer than others but eventually all of my reputable victims succumbed under the weight of the abuse. So that was that.

Blackjack taught me a lot however; perhaps most importantly card sense though more specifically a firm understanding and appreciation of the concepts of probability. In addition I developed skills of patience and the ability to maintain focus and emotional control through standard deviation destroying runs of negative variance. Then there was my job.

For many years I used to be an underwriter. I excelled. I quickly developed my skills to the point and extent that they were noted and appreciated by a couple of different employers. I ended up working for a company with a lending mandate that saw me commit over £1m a day of company capital. Alas I tired of this and perhaps burnt out a bit; I left the field and moved in to another. Though I left the field I did not leave behind my skills of making high pressure decisions, assessing and assimilating in moments a large amount of factors and variables in order to derive an informed and insightful opinion.

So then I found poker. Or more is the case it found me, my good man Ricky ‘the closer’ Rosa, battered me in to submission and his insistent nagging led to me giving it a crack, I fell in love. So I started experimenting a little with odd residual amounts I had deposited at certain sites from my bonus whoring days. I lost a few dollars initially at one site but then managed to start to parlay upwards around $70 I had deposited at another site.

I started to really get in to it; I bought books, lots of books. I studied and played, pretty much most of my spare time. I started to make money, good money and all the time I was learning. I consider myself a pupil of the game. I had up and downs as we all do but overall derived a healthy profit. A little while back I read about Chris Ferguson’s challenges where he creates a $10k profit from next to nothing. I did that and more.

So the $70 I had soon turned in to a couple of hundred from smallish sng’s. Then I hit the $1k mark. I was made up yet still very naive and raw as a player. $4k was a huge barrier for me, I got stuck there for about 6 months, see sawing like some deranged fool up and down but always reaching the equilibrium that was the $4k barrier. Then my game developed to the point where I established my subtly negative thoughts were the reason for my stagnation.

I realised this $4k mark was not a barrier, it was a level. It might sound silly but I had nurtured this limiting belief over time, effectively detrimentally conspiring within the realms of my mind. A drought of cards and suck outs helped reinforce this twisted confirmation bias, for a long time I thus subscribed to the notion entirely that I was stuck at this barrier. As they say if a boxer goes in to the ring thinking he’s beaten he already is, that was me.

Any roads after time I altered my whole perception on shit. I realised it was simply a level not a barrier. How I reached this revelation escapes me, long (ish) walks with my mutts and endless hours of contemplation I think, maybe my game just clicked, I’m not sure. What I am sure about however is that I started to crush the NL200 on the crypto network. $4k went to $10k quick sharpish. I was happy. Up it went further to around the $14k mark… Then I bought my Mrs a Landrover, she was happy I was sullen, depressed and depleted (yet it was a good buy and a nice motor and I’m doing her a deliberate injustice here!). We also had a little bambino and needed mula to buy the majority holding in mothercare.

Is anyone still reading, does anyone care? I’m thinking I should move rapidly along, after all this blog is intended for my benefit, selfish admittedly yet we are poker players are we not. I think I will get to back to business here, so let’s fast forward several years… ding ding, round 3, come our fighting…

So a new start, a new wave, the third coming beckoned then materialised. I have funds available to dedicate to a new bankroll, the question now is how best to utilise this. Let’s analyse my strengths… What games can I play? NLHE, that’s pretty much it, a one trick pony. I’ve won a few tournaments playing limit hold em, typically tournaments I’ve entered on the fly when the stakes were right… We’ve probably all been there from time to time, click to the sng tab and boom there’s one at our limits, 9 of 10 players registered, we hit register as fast as we can to get in the game… Hang on, noooooooo, it’s a limit game, now what are we going to do, well play it of course.

I’ve also dabbled with Omaha, both versions and at times have read about this variant of the game with a view to enhancing my hold em game, though honestly speaking no where near as diligently as I’ve studied hold em. Yet it is fair to say I have a rudimentary knowledge of Omaha, the accepted starting hand ranges and the fact that it’s typically a game of the nuts etc. I found it somewhat intriguing that it’s perhaps one of the only variants of the game where one should consider folding the nuts and I think this has helped serve me in my hold em quest, with the consideration of reverse implied odds etc.

But yup, hold em it is and NLHE at that, so what next. Now this is where the debate gets interesting, mtt, sng’s or cash. Dilemma city. I’m a winning player at all formats. It’s interesting to note that a lot of people specialise in one genre or another, I like to think I’m good at all. I started off with sng’s and derived a healthy profit, I dabbled with mtt’s at the same time, picking up the odd good result that helped serve to swell my roll. Then I found cash and established that this suited my game, the challenges this format presents both in full ring game and its short handed cousin again intrigued me and I set about learning as much as I could about both, but short handed is where I found myself really at home, I could utilise the full array of weapons within my arsenal at this discipline.

So what now, well perhaps the next consideration is how much exactly can I put aside to potentially spunk away in my latest venture. It goes without saying that I exercise sound bankroll management, with noticeable exceptions both in the positive and negative guises. Yet this really represents a dilemma to me. For sure I enjoy tournaments a lot more than its cash counterpart, but my personal enjoyment shouldn’t really feature when one considers my objectives here… making money.

I therefore find myself torn. I’m a lot more clued up with the non card based aspect of the game nowadays, by this I refer to rakeback and bonus’s etc. Of course the best form to engage to take advantage of these added extras is the cash format of the game. Yet I’ve had considerable success and several large scores from mtt’s and feel a naturally dispensation towards this format. I suppose if it came down to it what I’d really like to do as an individual is play tournaments. That’s where the big money is at and perhaps where my game is best suited. It’s the format that gets you noticed; it’s the format that could bring fame and the trappings that come hand in hand.

Yet I don’t want to be famous. Don’t get me wrong if it happens some day, not that I’m suggesting it will, then so be it, I would of course milk it for all it was worth. Yet I digress, where I’m going with this is that if you get a couple of good results you get noticed, get noticed and the realms of sponsorship and staking become realistic and viable propositions. To my mind that’s got to be a good thing, after all if an offer is presented then you consider it, if its not for you then decline it, in other words if it was good for me I’d run with it.

Yet that’s a long way or no way down the line and thus not worthy of any further consideration at this point. Let’s focus on the aspects that warrant some serious thinking, external factors. So how much time can I devote to my game? How much money can I set aside that I can afford to lose? Both are important and valuable commodities to me.

Time wise I’m thinking 20 hours per week. I work full time in a fairly demanding role that at times necessitates being away from home, though fortunately not that much to worry about. I’m also a committed husband and father. If my spud is ill or my home life demands there is no thinking, poker and everything else in my life comes a distant second to my Mrs and nipper. In reality by the time I fulfil my home life commitments I anticipate being able to sit down to play pokes around 9:00 p.m. most week day nights. I could then play to around 11:00 p.m. (spud rudely awakens most mornings around 6:00 a.m. regardless of intense sleep deprivation) without any significant impact on either work/home and even later if I’m running and table conditions are good (safe in the knowledge I can function adequately on around 5 hours sleep, though this is a struggle, but if your making money then its all good).

Weekends I should be able to squeeze in an extra hour most nights, thus around 20 hours per week which is not great but not bad either. So let’s turn to money, how much can I realistically set aside that both my wife and I would be comfortable with. We now need to factor in how much I’ve won previously, though I don’t see much of a point in detailing specifics here after all I know how much I’ve taken and this blog is designed for my benefit, though its safe to say we’re looking at a fair chunk of change. Now my card playing exploits has literally put food on the table in the past and this has not escaped my Mrs, which thinking about it deserves a chapter of its own, at the very least that is.

Great faith she has in me for which I’m grateful and blessed, in fact I would go as far as to say that as far as poker wife’s go I really couldn’t have done better. Many is the night that my Mrs has indulged my late night excursions, including one memorable night whereby she single handily looked after a pretty ill spud for 8 hours whilst I pitted my wits in a largish mtt. Not so impressive you might think, but then factor in it was New Year eve and you get an idea of the kind of woman I’ve been blessed with. Incidentally I did bring home the bacon that night which of course helped but is largely despite the point as she would have done so regardless.

Still back to the money, so how much can I put in? Or more is the case how much do I want to put in, how much am I comfortable with? I’ve got a good idea, also a separate bank account that I can utilise exclusively for my bank roll, this of course helps. I think I need to really look at the site I’m going to run with and the bonus terms I will hopefully be able to secure, this will give my a good indication of what I need to commit, after all I’m fully aware that if a good bonus is on offer then take full advantage you should.

This post, given it is my first has dragged on a little (to say the least!). So enough for now, in my next post I should hopefully be able to give specifics on where I’m going to play (my friends at www.raisetheriver seem to have an exceptional deal which I’m about to research in more detail) and how much I’m starting with. I intend to utilise this blog to record my progress and assure you I will always try to be open and honest about my roll and play, assuming I’m not deluding myself at any point and if so that’s why I’ve opened up my play to a wider audience.

So reeeeespec for now and catch you later, Comrade.

Hi welcome to my blog…  My internet connection is not what it should be at the mo, though according to my Indian friends at BT this should be resolved at some point next week, though I’m not holding my breath.

Any roads, coming soon… The Sickness by Comrade…

Reeespec all.Â

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